Butt Why?

[21:00:26] <ihp> Jacob sits in the commons, looking through the newspaper and drinking a small glass of champagne. Where he found it, I don't know.
[21:01:06] <ProcyonSortofHere> Tyler's just kind of around.
[21:01:22] <ZombieRaptor> Luvi looks up, startled, not having seen Jacob walk in.
[21:01:40] <MereObserver> James is fixing himself a cup of coffee in the cafeteria.
[21:01:43] <ihp> Jacob totally walked on what the hell are you talking about.
[21:02:24] <ZombieRaptor> (Was sitting in the commons room earlier, not moving since then)
[21:08:20] * Scanchores is now known as Scanciv
[21:09:03] * Rheumatism has quit (Ping timeout: 180 seconds)
[21:11:04] * ProcyonSortofHere is now known as ProcyonRPs
[21:11:30] <gumbal1> Harlan is also in the common room, reading something.
[21:11:55] * gumbal1 is now known as gauzebal1
[21:15:11] <Roget> Harlan, you feel your seat growing warm
[21:15:57] <gauzebal1> ~What the hell?~
[21:16:26] <gauzebal1> Harlan stands up and looks at his seat.
[21:16:56] <Roget> Harlan, you have a glowing red lazer beam emitting from your… rear. It was burning what is now a smoldering hole in the seat
[21:17:07] * You are now known as RogetGMs
[21:17:43] <ihp> Jacob drops his champagne, and runs to the nearest PA intercom.
[21:17:47] <gauzebal1> "What the fuck!?" Harlan doesn't even care that he just swore.
[21:18:00] <ZombieRaptor> Luvi looks up, confused at what's happening.
[21:18:02] <RogetGMs> It makes a low humming sound
[21:18:09] <RogetGMs> *wuvwuvwuvwuvwuvwuvwuv*
[21:18:28] <gauzebal1> "I…I…"
[21:18:28] <ProcyonRPs> Tyler jumps up from his desk with a start.
[21:18:50] <ZombieRaptor> "What the hell is that?!"
[21:18:53] <gauzebal1> ~oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck~
[21:19:02] <gauzebal1> "I have no idea!"
[21:19:09] <ProcyonRPs> "The hell is going on?"
[21:19:24] <ihp> Jacob punches the PA. "We have ah, uh, emergency in the common area… Mr. Cohen appears to be having…. something emitting from his backside. Send security as soon as you can, please."
[21:19:36] <RogetGMs> <… Repeat that?»
[21:19:48] <RogetGMs> Harlan, are you standing still or moving?
[21:19:48] <ihp> "There's a laser coming out of his ass!"
[21:19:56] <RogetGMs> «What!?»
[21:20:05] <gauzebal1> Standing still.
[21:20:25] <ihp> ~I can't believe I just said that.~ "I can't make something like that up if I tried. Send security /now!/ "
[21:20:31] <RogetGMs> The laser begins to burn a hole in the wall it's aimed at.
[21:20:52] <ProcyonRPs> "Christ. Harlan!, aim that to the ground or something!"
[21:21:20] <MereObserver> James chugs his coffee and runs to the common area.
[21:21:22] <gauzebal1> Harlan immediatley sits down on the floor.
[21:22:28] <RogetGMs> Harlan, you smell smoke
[21:22:37] <RogetGMs> concentrated laser butts are nothing to be trifled with
[21:22:46] <ihp> Jacob stays in the hallway outside, waiting for security.
[21:22:58] <MereObserver> James enters the common area. "What's going on?"
[21:23:01] <ProcyonRPs> "Uh, Harlan? Maybe try squatting?" He blushes.
[21:23:26] <gauzebal1> Harlan starts panicking.
[21:24:07] <RogetGMs> Marty comes walking up, looking like he was woken up for this
[21:24:11] <ProcyonRPs> "St-stay calm!"
[21:24:31] <RogetGMs> Harlen, the laser took a good chunk out of the floor there. It's a hole two inches deep
[21:24:31] <ProcyonRPs> "It's not hurting you, is it?"
[21:24:33] <ihp> "Sir, Mr. Cohen has a laser emitting from his backside. Please, do something about it."
[21:24:36] <gauzebal1> "ohgodpleasehelpme."
[21:24:46] <RogetGMs> "…. W-w-what?"
[21:25:13] <ihp> "There is a /laser/ coming out of a man's /ass!/ Do something about it!"
[21:25:28] <RogetGMs> "…. I… don't…. sorry…" he begins slowly backing away
[21:25:31] <RogetGMs> this is overwhelming
[21:25:42] <RogetGMs> Harlan, the laser begins turning a nice shade of blue
[21:25:46] <MereObserver> "Butt lasers. God damn it…okay. We need to get him moving somewhere other than here. Get something thick to cover his butt with so he can walk to medical."
[21:25:48] <ProcyonRPs> "Goddamnit you're security! You're the person who handles this!"
[21:26:29] <RogetGMs> "What? W-what do you e-e-e-expect me t-to do?"
[21:26:35] <gauzebal1> Harlan probabley makes a dash to medical at this point.
[21:27:21] <ProcyonRPs> "Something! I don't know!"
[21:27:27] <RogetGMs> Harlan, the laser goes all over the place, leaving burned streaks along the walls
[21:27:38] <ProcyonRPs> "Keep squatting, Harlan! Walk like a duck!"
[21:27:55] <MereObserver> James chases after Harlan. "Dang it man, you were supposed to cover your butt!"
[21:28:05] <gauzebal1> Harlan starts crawling.
[21:28:14] <gauzebal1> He's probably crying at this point.
[21:28:31] <ihp> Jacob just stands there, before going back into the commons and looking at his spilled champagne glass. ~Did I get slipped a fucking mickey?~
[21:28:33] <ProcyonRPs> "Duck, damn it!"
[21:28:44] <ProcyonRPs> "WALK. LIKE. A. DUCK."
[21:28:48] <ZombieRaptor> Luvi looks out the doorway, not believing what's going on.
[21:28:55] <RogetGMs> The laser begins to die down, the intensity getting… less intense
[21:29:03] <gauzebal1> Harlan just collapses on the floor, crying.
[21:29:14] <RogetGMs> It cessates
[21:29:23] <gauzebal1> Harlan is still crying.
[21:29:44] <MereObserver> James stands over Harlan. "Dammit man……" He pinches the bridge of his nose.
[21:29:50] <ProcyonRPs> Tyler helps Harlan up, avoiding his posterior. "Let's get you to, uh, medical."
[21:30:06] <ihp> Jacob eventually walks along the laser-burned path, staring. "What the unholy mother of fuck just happened?"
[21:30:32] <gauzebal1> Harlan gets up with Tyler's help. He's still crying.
[21:30:49] <MereObserver> "Come on, let's go see a doctor."
[21:31:09] <ZombieRaptor> "Fuck, I feel bad for the guy who has to take care of this mess"
[21:31:19] * RogetGMs has changed the topic to: Of things to come… | | Runs: #homeimprovement | Alt-IC: #tooltime | Ping Roget if he gets distracted by the internet and doesn't respond. | There's a burned cushionand a hole in the ground the common room, and burns all along the walls from the common room to medical
[21:32:01] * RogetGMs has changed the topic to: Of things to come… | | Runs: #homeimprovement | Alt-IC: #tooltime | Ping Roget if he gets distracted by the internet and doesn't respond. | There's a burned cushion and a hole in the ground the common room, and burns all along the walls from the common room to medical
[21:33:00] <ihp> "…did that just happen?"
[21:33:02] <ProcyonRPs> "Goddamn this fucking place."
[21:33:20] <MereObserver> "I think he already has…"
[21:33:45] <RogetGMs> Doctor Blumen is painting a picture in his medical office
[21:34:10] <ProcyonRPs> "Blumen, get the hell out here."
[21:35:07] <RogetGMs> Doctor Blumen just looks at him. "This is my department, boy. Who are you, walking in here like you own the place?"
[21:35:52] <ProcyonRPs> "This man just emitted a high-powered laser from his …posterior. Look down the hall if you don't believe me. Now is not the time for courtesies."
[21:36:42] * GameCracker has quit (Quit: CGI:IRC (Ping timeout))
[21:36:54] <RogetGMs> "Then why, sir, would you kick the only trained medical professional out of the medical department, unless you want to treat him with hope and a prayer?"
[21:36:57] <RogetGMs> Blumen is pretty miffed
[21:37:04] <gauzebal1> Harlan's crying has died down a bit.
[21:37:13] <gauzebal1> A bit.
[21:37:20] <ProcyonRPs> "Out here as in look at this man. Now is not the time for semantics!"
[21:37:42] <RogetGMs> Blumen sighs, gets out a medical case-thing, and heads over to examine Harlan.
[21:37:49] <RogetGMs> "May I see the, uh, source of it?"
[21:38:13] <ProcyonRPs> "I will… leave you to it. I'd advise staying out of the…"
[21:38:16] <ProcyonRPs> Tyler sighs deeply.
[21:38:17] <ZombieRaptor> Luvi promptly turns away from the scene, examining the burn marks
[21:38:19] <ProcyonRPs> "…line of fire."
[21:39:18] <gauzebal1> Harlan climbs onto an examination table, and just lies there face down.
[21:39:35] <ProcyonRPs> Tyler idles outside the office.
[21:39:53] <RogetGMs> Blumen gently examines the area. "There doesn't appear to be any injury butt… I would like to take a sample, to be sure. If you don't mind, that is."
[21:39:54] <RogetGMs> …
[21:39:56] <RogetGMs> *but
[21:40:30] <ZombieRaptor> Luvi turns back, speaking to Tyler "This… Isn't normal around here is it?"
[21:40:35] <gauzebal1> Harlan doesn't even care at this point.
[21:40:49] <ProcyonRPs> "This is… fairly out there, even for around here."
[21:40:54] <RogetGMs> "I can't say I've heard of this happening before. Was it something he ate?"
[21:41:21] <ProcyonRPs> Is Blumen speaking to someone?
[21:41:44] <gauzebal1> Harlan mumbles something that sounds vaguely like "turkey".
[21:42:28] <RogetGMs> He's speaking to the group. "Did anyone else have this… turkey?"
[21:42:38] <ProcyonRPs> "I did not."
[21:42:44] <ProcyonRPs> Tyler turns to Luvi.
[21:42:48] <ProcyonRPs> "You?"
[21:43:02] <ihp> Jacob had pasta.
[21:43:11] <ZombieRaptor> "I did not, I had some pasta earlier"
[21:44:13] <RogetGMs> "Alright, if somebody could fetch a new pair of britches for our patient, he'll probably be fine. I'll have the results of the sample ready in a few days.
[21:44:14] <RogetGMs> "
[21:44:39] <ProcyonRPs> Tyler does that, returning quickly with a pair of his own pants.
[21:48:19] <ProcyonRPs> Tyler hands the pants over, and walks back out to the hall. "Jesus christ."
[21:48:45] <RogetGMs> Harlan has pants minus the laser hole!
[21:48:56] <gauzebal1> Harlan puts on the pants.
[21:49:06] <RogetGMs> Fin Incident

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